just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
All the doctor said was why
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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