If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
