We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
