let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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