we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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