I want to walk on stilts...naked
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
