you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
