You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You are the jesus of drinking
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
