My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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