Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
