I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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