Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
