My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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