just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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