woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
