I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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