im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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