I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
