i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
