but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
