Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
where are my eyebrows?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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