I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
