she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
