That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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