I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
