Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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