I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
