Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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