If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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