This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
