your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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