I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
