no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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