I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
