im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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