someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
