I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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