This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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