My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
it's like iHOP with fire
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
my liver is dry heaving
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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