Define "chronic" masturbator.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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