9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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