ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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