I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
