I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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