She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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