i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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