you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
