So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
