I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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