is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
