Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
