Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
